"Everyone Has A Struggle"

"Everyone has a struggle" is my motto. I say it to myself and to others all the time. Although its basic enough to understand, I don't think people really think about it as much as they should.

Look, let's be real. Everyone judges people and that's not necessarily a bad thing if you're not doing it in a bad way. Disliking something someone does and then talking about it to everyone you know (aka backbiting) is the bad way of judging. I know something people often say is "Only God can judge me." Ultimately, that may very well be true that only God can judge you to determine where you end up after you die, but don't get it twisted, everyone is judging you the same as you are judging everyone else. People's judgements won't send you to hell or heaven or wherever else but they are an important aspect of self-awareness and growth (and for some people a source of entertainment).

Liking or disliking something someone does and thinking to yourself things like: "I like this, I want to try to do something like that" or "I don't think that's how things should be done, if I'm in that type of situation I would handle it differently" or "I'm not sure how I would handle that situation, but that is an interesting way that this person handled it" or even "wow what an idiot!" -- Those are all judgments but they aren't bad when they are in you're own head and for your own benefit and they are so natural. Everyone does it and everyone should to an extent. You judging someone in that way helps to develop you own moral compass without having to go through a situation yourself. You're learning from the mistakes of others and gaining valuable insight on how you feel or would feel if a similar situation presented itself to you. You might not even realize that is what you're doing but every judgement you make about someone is saying something about how you feel on an issue and how you much you agree or disagree or are neutral towards the actions the person took in that situation. Judging anyone says more about who you are as a person. That is very valuable information!! The more you know about yourself, the better equipped you are to handle life. When you know your strengths and weakness you have the ability to draw on those strengths and work on the weakness. Judging has a potential to give you a sense of self-awareness.

Now how does all this judgment relate to my motto? Well so far we have established that everyone judges and that's okay. The problem arises when we judge people but forget to realize that Everyone Has A Struggle. You might think a person is acting a certain way because of this and that and the third, but if you forget to take into account the struggle, you might be misjudging. No one's life is perfect and if it seems perfect right now, their struggle might be on the way or is already in the past. Some people think they face more struggles or more difficult struggles than others BUT that is a judgement. What you consider a struggle is based on what you've gone through and what those around you have gone through. So when you see Person A with their perfect little life that has nowhere near the type of struggles you consider to be "real struggles" you judge them and think things about them. That is so unfair. First of all you don't know everything about everyone so stop right there. Second, just because someone's struggle doesn't seem as bad to you, doesn't mean they aren't tortured by something a) that you're not aware of or b) that is something you haven't experienced and if you did maybe you would think differently. They always say you shouldn't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes-- but you're not always going to understand someone else's shoes/life.

How are we supposed to understand that everyone has a struggle if we don't understand what their struggle is? Now that is a great and very important question. You DO NOT need to understand what their struggle is to accept that they have/had/will have a (or many) struggle(s) in their life. Basically, be compassionate. You don't know how someone got to where they are, what they think, how they feel, where they are headed next, what secrets the past or future holds. Even if the person you're judging is your own parent, sibling, child, spouse, BFF, or other person that you feel extremely close with and think you know as much as a person could know about another person - you don't until you acknowledge "the struggle" that they have had, currently have, could later have, or any combo thereof. You don't have to know about it or understand it but you do have to accept that there could be something that makes life a little different for them than it does for you. Just being able to accept that will automatically change the way in which you judge. You're still going to do it, but it will be with an asterisk and that asterisk will say *Everyone has a struggle.